


lonely

by CreepingSoul



Series: the shadows have made a home in me [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Tumblr: the-wolf-and-the-spark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepingSoul/pseuds/CreepingSoul
Summary: I'm slowly killing myselfI get told what's wrong and what's rightI don't have a romantic lifeAnd everyone's dyingSo I keep on tryingTo make them proud before they are goneMiss all my familyCause I don't know much about meI'm still ashamed of who I used to beSo I try way too hard, but I still miss the mark to fit inOh, please someone help meI don't care anyone, anything'Cause I'm so sick of being so lonely- lonely by Noah Cyrus
Relationships: Nogitsune & Stiles Stilinski
Series: the shadows have made a home in me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643263
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	lonely

post nogitsune, stiles tries to heal tries to do better, feel better, be better, but he can’t.

it all feels like not enough, and that’s all he’s ever been, not enough, all his life summed up by that fact.

not enough for his dad to not sink into the grief and the bottles of alcohol after his mother’s death, not enough for the girl he’s loved all his life, not enough for his best friend, his brother, to care about him when he got hurt, when he needed help, not enough to resist the nogitsune when it set its sight onto him, when it unmade him and remade him anew better wrong, not enough to not be a murderer, not enough to fix himself. 

and he feels like he’s drowning, like he’s always been drowning, but now finally he has lost his lifeboat, his identity his self unmade among dirty bandages and a foxlike smirk, the sound of darkness inside his own head, he feels half gone, incomplete, unbalanced, and he knows it’s the fox, the fox is gone, has left, and he is all that there is now, fox boy human boy not enough boy, stiles. 

he can feel the stark emptiness of where the nogitsune used to be, the place in his soul where it made itself a place to live, to claw into, to become one with him, because they were stiles and nogitsune, they were fox and boy, were two and then they were one, they were complete. 

he wonders if this is how peter felt after the fire, during it, adrift, alone, a physical ache of loss, losing more and more of himself with each space left unoccupied, each place in his soul that were forcefully vacated, if he still feels it like a bleeding wound, feels it like stiles feels the tears in his soul, left by a fox’s claws gripping with all it’s had to all that he had left, a human, a boy, a not enough stiles,

if he feels the same descent into madness still, if he left it behind when he came back from the dead or if he lets it fill him everyday just to get through it,

it aches and aches and aches, and that is all that stiles has left, an ache in his soul, the madness that keeps on growing each day he keeps on being alone in his head, with no fox to close the gaping wound that is his absence, each day without yipping laughter ringing through his head, no shadows to make a home out of, no thousands of years of not-lived through memories of times gone past. 

stiles has never been enough, he knows this, he does, because if he was enough he would not be traipsing through the woods at night, would not have escaped from his home in the mid of the night, would not be looking for a tree stump best left forgotten, would not bleed himself above it, would not wish and wish and wish and will for shadows and madness and the completeness of being one with another being.

would not tug and pull and call down the only vestiges of ancient power left in his veins, left there by chaos incarnate. 

if stiles was enough he would not do any of that, he would force himself to forget and ignore the ache inside his bones. if only stiles was enough. 

but stiles has never been enough. 

so he bleeds and he wishes and wills and pulls and calls and screams down the only remnant of chaos inside him, 

he does he does he does, 

and for once in his life, stiles is enough, and stiles is complete. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the low caps y'all.   
> also this is gonna be future steter just so we're all on the same page lol 
> 
> i've been gone forever peeps, i missed y'all 
> 
> Also imma be posting all my tw, but mainly steter prompts and plot bunnies and ideas i've got running around in my head on my new steter specific tumblr if you wanna check it out: the-wolf-and-the-spark 
> 
> hope you liked it, i love nogitsune/darkish stiles so i just had to do it ya know ♡


End file.
